Our journey has not been an easy one. It is frustrating going through such hard journey to end up with absolutely nothing positive and so many losses.

After 2 failed transfers. 1 Miscarriage.

It has taken me 2 years to decide our next step. Making this decision was very hard, my wife is on board for either IVF or IUI what ever I decide to do she supports me. There’ s so many thoughts and feelings towards this next transfer. My eyes are teary just thinking.. How will this end? Will it all be worth it? Will I go through all this again for literally nothing? In the past have I not done enough? Will this end on a positive & a Baby? Will this IVF round and transfer be all worth it? Or will we just be throwing +30k down the drain? Will I be receiving the best news this time around?

I know giving up is not an option.

This has been our journey

August 10, 2020 we had our first transfer 10 days later I was told that the Embryo had not attached due to me having a problem and had to get a hysteroscopy procedure done.

January 2021 we went for our second transfer and it came back positive we were excited we graduated from our fertility clinic on February 2021and everything was perfect but then on

April, 26, 2021 I lost my baby at 4 months pregnant I had no signs of miscarriage I went to get an ultrasound where I would  be told the gender of my baby and instead I was told there was no longer a heartbeat my world literally crumbled. I was in a very dark place and didn’t think it was possible to continue. I Know it sounds very dramatic, but that’s how I felt. I went through a lot of emotions, stress, disappointment, guilt, sadness, and anger. This past 2 years I made amends with our situation and was able to find myself again, it’s taking me time to overcome the struggle. Letting myself feel every single emotion and being able to pick myself up is a different kind of superpower.

March 2022 I went for another round, that morning I did a pregnancy test and it came back positive we were so excited of getting another chance we went to the clinic to get blood drawn to confirm the pregnancy but at the end of the day we received the bad news and were told my blood tests were low and that it was not considered a viable pregnancy. I was devasted and in disbelieve, i wanted to believe my levels could still rise and for this pregnancy to go through but days later it was 100% certain that again I had lost this baby.

The Hardest part of this journey is when your only wish is to be a parent & it feels unreachable… Every surgery, every procedure, every heartbreak, every tear shed, all the changes my body has gone through, every blood drawn, every shot, every supplement, every prayer, the endless waiting games, each visit to the clinic, every single negative, thousands and thousands of dollars spent, every disappointment and every dream that’s been shattered but Beyond the the tears I cried I am still standing, still hopeful, still fighting.

I have never been so torn or scared about making a decision, until now. The journey keeps getting harder and just when I think I can’t continue, I surprisingly take two steps forward.. I’m still very scared and there is still lots of What If’s… but this is what feels right for us, I’m pushing through my hesitations and what if’s because.. What if it’s kind of unexpected and wild and beautiful?

 We won’t know until we try..

Today I can say I feel different, I am grateful to be here, to have the opportunity to make our dream possible. I feel very at peace with myself, I feel happy and stronger than ever. I look forward to this new chapter and have faith this will be our time.

IVF journey is extremely hard and drains you financially, Physically ,mentally but over all emotionally. But I know at the end it will all be worth it.

“if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.”